One of the very few attributes I received from my dear mother is my love for sleeping. Nothing beats lying down with a nice warm blanket, a soft, yet puffy pillow, and a nice gentle mattress. Sleeping never fails whether you are passing out after a long night, taking a short nap, or just sleeping because there is nothing else to do. That’s why waking up is some obvious shit that sucks; and here’s why:
1. Morning breath- This is when you wake up and your breath gets stale from sleeping. It has a combination of smelling like food you ate, just downright stale, or like a decaying animal. This is the ultimate worse when you’re sharing a bed with a friend or a loved one. You don’t wanna wake up and start a conversation for fear that tears will come to their eyes due to the stench protruding from your mouth, and vice versa.
2. Sore- This is when you wake up and you find your body aching. This usually occurs if you sleep in an awkward position, but can also happen from anything really; ranging from a poor pillow to a poor mattress. Your body is so dang sensitive that anything in your sleep is capable of messing you up, and can result in you searching for the Bengay in the morning.
3. Attack on your face- Some people are luckier than others, but the average person suffers in some form or fashion from the “attack.” Drool dried on your face, crust in your eye (I still to this day don’t know where the hell this comes from), nose bleeds (this seems rare, but I have a fellow employee who has this problem), or any other nasty function your face can produce. This all just applies to the face, let’s not even get started on the bed hair.
4. Waking up in general- Now that all of this has occurred you are awake. You now are no longer in a sweet, innocent slumber. More times than none waking up means you have to go somewhere, and most likely it’s somewhere you don’t wanna go like work, school, an appointment, etc. etc.
My parents constantly tell me stories about when I was baby and how I would refuse to sleep. I would literally cry and fuss while sleep was overtaking me. I think if they taped me I would have been an immediate YouTube sensation, but sometimes I wonder… what the hell was wrong with me?! Sleeping is awesome! My little baby self was strange. All I do now is suffer from semi-narcoleptic behavior.
~Don’t forget your umbrella~